Assumptions Part 1

The assumption of power vs. the assumption of powerlessness

I have wondered for years how the white collar demographics is different than the blue collar. Even in my own life, and looking back on my own story feeling the overwhelming sense of powerlessness. Like doing the best with what you have. Wondering if my dad’s 40 years with government was out of fear or commitment. It is where in my life I can get stuck in thinking that I will have to follow in my father’s footsteps. Working hard and just getting by. Not really getting ahead. Not really taking things to the next level. Probably working harder not smarter. Spending most of my time wondering why I’m working so hard, for little reward, and being utterly exhausted most of the time.

And yet we have struggled with this for centuries. Poor and the Rich. The poor with the assumption of powerlessness. Little hope for advancement. And the rich with the assumption of power and security.

It gives me hope in the gospel. Last is first. I know in my own life I know I’m not striving for the last. Jesus turns the tables. Just when you think you have this world pegged He pulls out your belief system. The things you counted on don’t matter.

The mystery of it all for me is what does it look like to carry both? What does it look like to live n honest life, earn an honest wage, and say that that is enough? So much bitterness has built up between the white collar and blue collar crowds. What does it look like for both classes to look at each other and say we need what the other is offering? To walk in humility and love? To be for each other instead of standing at a distance judging and criticizing.

We are so driven by our lust for power. It takes us to two different places. Drivenness or resignation. And it seems most of the drivenness has fallen on the white collar and the resignation has fallen on the blue collar.

My mom’s dad was very good man. Served in the Pacific in WWII. Came home and married my grandmother. Worked odd jobs, painted houses, and ended up delivering mail and eventually becoming a post master in MD. After his retirement he built himself and my grandmother a house in southwestern VA. Learning to live on very little. In his retirement years he started traveling a bit. He planted a church in Hungary. I often admire him for his tenacity and kind heart. I find myself walking in some of the same footsteps he has. Was he content? I think so. He had a great impact on the kingdom but I can remember that he never had a great amount of money. Was he successful?

I have a great gift with relationships. And yet I wonder if it comes more from my brokenness than my glory. Very much like my grandfather, I have relationships that I know I will have for a lifetime. But is that enough? Great relationships don’t pay the bills. I want to die leaving something for my family. Before I die I want to own a beach house. Is that bad?

I want my life to have power. I want my life to matter. I want my life to change other lives….for years to come. I look for approval far too often. Trying to find that affirmation, the words of praise that my life does have weight and makes a difference.

Blue Collar Spirituality Part 2

I remember a summer job I got in high school. I was hired by this rich older man to valet park for his special party. He even made me wear this outfit while I was doing it. I remember parking the Mercedes and Range Rovers and thinking to myself that I was forever disqualified from owning such a piece of machinery. Now that I looked back I thought nothing of it at the time but how I was really making some unhealthy agreements with myself. I look back and feel ashamed about that time. I had no one else to tell me otherwise.

Most of that time has so much to do with Luke 15. The story of the prodigal son. The younger son is rebelous, squanders his daddys money is let back into family. The message for me. Go get crazy and it will be ok. No consequesnces. And that’s what I saw from my rich white collar friends. They’d go out and party, get crazy, enjoy themselves, and still have the silver spoon in their mouths. Theyd still win.

Where me on the other hand, would try to do everything right. Try to walk the straight line. Try to keep my nose clean. And what did I get for that? More hard work, and less recognition. Less fun.

I grew up in a small Baptist church in a town of about 500. It was a startchy spirituality filled with fear and rules. And with my pleasing brokenness was a perfect fit. If I could get it all right, be everyones hero, I might just have a chance at being recognized. It was definitely a very strong community. Loyalty would be the one word I could use to describe it. Our town was so small everyone knew each other. We never locked our doors growing up. Which was good when you needed help but you also had a lot of eyes on you, watching your actions, good and bad.

I often wonder what they really thought of us blue collar people.

With my upbringing also came with a certain sprit of poverty. Often a life of resignation. “this is my lot”. And some of that was good. It made me resourceful with what I had. If you didn’t have something you built it with what you had, you didn’t go out and just buy it. You looked around to see what you had and that was your starting point. It has made me somewhat of a pack rat though. It makes you keep everything. You never know when it will come in handy. I think about my dads garage. Full of stuff. You never know when you’ll need that extra bed frame?! My wife hates it. You buy things used not new. Self care really isn’t an option. You work your ass off. You eat a lot of food that’s probably not the best for you. I can remember breakfasts at my grandparents’ house. Delicious but filled with so much fat and grease. Great for the body. You rest little. You might smoke or chew or dip, or maybe all three. Oh, and you drink a lot of beer. Times of reflection or tending to your own heart and emotions are nonexistent.

You can see why this attitude prevails. If you exist with a theology that revolves around how you are a sinner first and Gods child second, wouldn’t you always think you deserve very little?

I just got finished watching a DVD called “the everlasting stream”. It is taken from a book written by Walt Harrington, a journalist from Washington DC. It is his journey from the big city to the farms of in-laws in Kentucky rabbit hunting. He is ambushed by what he calls “blue collar nobility”. It is an amazing story of self discovery. His book manly focuses on four main characters. Four old black men. They have known each other for decades, some since they were kids. Walt is amazed by their since of loyalty and camaraderie.

Blue Collar folk are faithful and committed. Sometimes to their own fault. Most of the relationships you find in the country have been around for ages. Along with that is their connection to family. In Loudoun if people don’t know me they know my father. It means something to introduce myself as Earl’s boy. It carries some weight. My dad’s faithfulness is expected of me.

Blue Collar Spirituality Part 1

Some of the best memories I have of my childhood revolve around this old 69 Chevy pick up my dad had. It was pea green with a white top. V8 of course. Bench seat with a cheap seat cover. The ignition was on on the actual dash. It came fully equipped am radio and 8 track radio under the seat. We took it everywhere. It was an amazing place for a young boy to grow up. It was strong and reliable. Especially with how my dad drove it. He drove that thing like a stock car.

I remember days we’d fill that thing with almost a full cord of locust firewood. Listen to John Denver on the 8 track. I’d have my big league chew and he’d have his Levi Garrett.

As I look back BMW, Range Rover, and Porsche, never entered my mind. All that mattered was that I was with my dad and his truck.

My dad grew up the son of a poor dairy farmer for the Navy. My dad, Sonny they called him, and his brother (woody), grew up working on the farm. Taking care of cattle in Maryland in the 50’s. Working with their hands. Neither went to college, Im not even sure it was on the radar for them. My dad went into the air force and later worked his whole life for the government. He just retired a few years ago after about 40 years of service.

I have thought long and heard about the lines of white collar and blue collar. What made my dad work so hard in his life? What made him work so hard and still in his 60’s working on getting rid of his mortgage?

I grew up in Loudoun County VA. In Loudoun the actual county when I was growing up was mostly split into two demographics. It was almost like an invisible line was split down the middle. Everything to the west was mostly farmers, mostly good old boys, with their pick up trucks and cows. Now everyone to the east was a little different. With Washington DC so close there was a little more money and development. More paved roads, more shops, more people. There was also a lot of old money. Horse plantations in the 1800’s left a lot of families with money.

And so in my high school parking lot it was not uncommon to see a tractor parked next to BMW . Its just the way it was. And for the most part the poor did not mingle with the rich. Or at least that’s how it felt.

At 34, I wonder if there was more assumption then I was aware of at the time. I think about what the blue collars assumed about the white collar and I also wonder about what the white collar assumed of the blue collar. I also think of the rift that it has created in the church. How maybe we haven’t risked crossing over these lines for the sake of the Kingdom.

From a blue collar perspective I can think of the assumptions I had of my white collar colleagues. They were rich, no problems, they wore all the clothes I wanted to. They had college paid for. They worked hard very little. They were prideful; they thought a lot of themselves. Unspiritual and uncommitted. And they only hung out with their kind. Their relationships were based on being connected to powerful (other rich) people. They were only concerned about two things: money and power. And they mostly came hand in hand.

And what they thought of us Blue Collar “folk”. Probably that we were uneducated, slow. Probably wondering when we would come over and mow their grass or shovel their driveway. They’d . Somehow they could never figure us out.

Learning

One of the greatest things I am learning now is how I have grown up and how that effects my future. I grew up blue collar. Some of you know that I was from the western part of Loudoun County. We had guys drive tractors to high school. And so as we grow this ministry I am forced to pursue men in the white collar world. It really is an amazing experience for me.

It is not easy. I have to leave behind all the fears and assumptions I have of men in those circles and risk to relate to them as equal men. Men with brokenness, emotion, compassion, and stories of their own.

It is a challenge I really hate and love in the same breath. Asking those men for what I need as a young man and waiting for them to respond. Yet, whether they know it or not they have good things to offer, different perspectives on life, family, and faith. Some days I feel like an alen in a new land but I am sure that it is my own Training Ground.

The Well Runs Deeper

The more I spend ime with the guys in Training Ground, the more I see about how Christ comes for us. He is always wanting His healing to go deeper into our lives and hearts. Just when you think you have arrived at some substancial place of healing He is wanting to take you further.

I see it in these young mens lives. They come to this amazing place of revelation and two days later God is taking them on another road in themselves. He is never really finished with us. And isnt that an amazing thing about Christ. He loves us that much that His pursuit of our hearts is never over.

These young men are amazing. They have such thirsty hearts to learn and grow. With six weeks left, I am really looking forward to what God has in store.

So Fragile

Last summer as we were getting the cabin ready I sliced my finger pretty bad. I actually got 6 stitches. And as the doc was cleaning out the wound she scrubbed it like day old eggs on a plate. I was amazed how rough you can be with the human body and its power to rebound. I actually said this to the doctor and her response was " yes it can be resilient one moment but its amazing to see how at times it is extremely fragile". How true is this.

I got an email from a dear friend here in the Springs telling me that one of his dear friends, our age, back east, tragically died Tuesday morning. How does that happen? He left behind his young wife. How do people get taken away? Here today, gone tomorrow. And in their place all is left is sorrow, pain, and the memory of this friend. IT feels like a dep injustice.

So tonight I think about my friend. I think of how his hurt, pain, grief. His questions. And I am left to wrestle with how temporary this life is. It is here today and gone tomorrow. I want to enjoy today more.

A Journey For All

So we are 3 weeks into our summer session. We have amazing guys and they are learning so much. Yet As I continue to walk with these young men I continue to see how it is not just a journey for the young men. It is also a journey for me.

As I help these young men unpack their lives and help them walk with God, the Heavenly Father is still after my life. He is after my redemption and healing. Just as we pursue these young men, God is after the unsurrendered parts of our lives as well.

I am so grateful for this.Yes, difficult and scary at times but still beautiful. Gods pursuit of our lives is never over, it continues even when we are unaware of it. It feels like a place in my heart that I dont have to hold up on my own. There is someone else after my whole heart, and He is good.

Hard On Myself

You know I am the person that is most hard on myself. Today, I am spying this really nice backpack on the web. The past couple weeks I have been selling stuff on eBay to have the money for this pack. I’ve done the work, sold the items, have the cash yet, every time I go to the website to purchase the pack I back out. I even went all the way through the check out process to the page that it says click this button to place your order and canceled out of the page.

What is it? Why can I not give myself the permission to enjoy. Its almost like I’m telling myself that I don’t deserve it. That I haven’t worked hard enough for it. That I still have work to do to “earn” it. I am a decent gift giver but a lousy gift receiver.

Im sure this has to do how I see my Father in heaven. Have I done enough to receive His favor, His love, His acceptance of me? Im sure there are more hoops to jump through somewhere. And yet, how more wrong could I be of His love? He loves to offer me mercy, love, grace, and tenderness.

My prayer is that I would enjoy today more, not looking for hoops to jump through, enjoying my time with my Father.

Authenticity

Today Christine and I were clothes shopping and we decided to go into Hollester. We were trying to grab her a pair of jeans yet every pair of jeans she picked up had the “distressed “look to them. Holes in the legs, frays at the pockets (man, I sound like my parents).Heck I can remember in college when we would get a new baseball hat it felt as though before we could wear it we had to do open heart surgery to it before we could wear it. We’d cut the webbing out the front, wear it in the shower, put it in the dishwasher. Anything to make it look worn and experienced. I never dipped in school but some of my boys did, and all they cared about in their jeans is if you could see the ring impression in their back pocket.


Doesn’t that feel a lot like our hearts and lives now. We want the evidence of experience and time yet we are not willing to wait on it. It’s like we want to buy the jeans already broken in, the hat already tore up. One of the greatest things today that is being stolen from us is the value of the process, the importance of actual experience.

There are specific ways God grows a man. And the most important ingredient is time. Do we have the patience it takes to let God make us into His men? And not become impatient? Frustrated and give up?