My Stupid Romantic Heart

I really need to stop listening to Internet radio.

My wife often says “no wonder everyone was making out in the 80’s….do you hear all the music that was played back then?” And she’s right, that’s what I grew up in. The hair band ballads, tight spandex pants and everyone trying to do the moonwalk. With songs titled “I just died in your arms tonight” ,“Love in an elevator” ,“Everybody wants some” I’m sure some of you right now are starting to recall the lyrics to those songs and memories of growing up.

Who could really grow up in that time and not be a hopeless romantic. And that’s what I was, through and through. Looking for the perfect love and being willing to sacrifice a lot to get it. Thinking every song written by Chicago was written just for me. I remember my senior prom. I spent two days almost completely restoring this 57 Chevrolet for my date. Polished all the chrome. Repainted the emblem. Redid some of the upholstery on the interior. Lots of sweat and passion. And for what? A girls smile, affection? Maybe some lip cookie. And yet that was my world. I knew to take the right woman out I needed the right goods. You don’t even want to know what it was like when that girl broke up with me. A story for another time.

So today I’m sitting down to do some work on my laptop and I turn on my Internet radio. Minding my own business. Trying to get some of my music organized and respond to some emails, and out of nowhere….Linda Ronstadt and James Ingram jump me. They ambush me with their song “Somewhere out there”. Yes, the song from the animated movie The American Tale, about that cheesy mouse that gets lost. And at that, in an instant my heart is two decades in the past.

And if I’m honest with myself, something really young stirs in my heart. Almost asking the question, “Do you remember yourself back then?” And I do. Middle school, figuring out my desires and wants. Knowing girls were well on the radar by now. Full of insecurities but a big believer in fate. Knowing my life would end just as every movie and song had told me. I believed in love and that there were powers at work that were greater than me.

And now at 34 I feel in need of that young romantic heart again. That part of me back then needs to live in me now. That it may be my greatest asset. The heart that was sensitive to feel every circumstance. To really be all in the moment. I think I really want that from myself. We are about to have a baby, and I really want to experience all of it. All the tears, joy, smiles, and laughter.

I also want to experience that in my relationships. Especially with my wife and God. To freely offer and receive the emotions of the moment. There was probably a time in my life where emotions alone did not cut it. It was the “suck it up” and make stuff happen. A time of responsibility and duty. Where the pressures of this world come crashing in. A mortgage, a wife, a family, debt, etc, etc. Which has its place in a man’s journey. Yet, what does it look like to hold this young, necessary part of my heart with the demands of this world?

As I’m writing this I’m thinking to myself ”All this from one lame 80’s movie song?” Wow I need to go here more often. Man it sure does feel good to feel this part of my heart.